Has anyone ever considered divorce without conflict? It is possible. You can start by dissolving any synonymous relationship between the two terms. Conflict can lead to divorce but the process itself is a legal one, devoid of emotion. Adhere to this definition of divorce and you are on your way to minimizing conflict. Remember that conflict requires two sides. Remove your side from the equation regardless of the other side’s actions. It will be like depriving fire of oxygen. The flames will flicker out. If you do not, it can be like dousing it with kerosene. If you’re thinking that is all easier said than done, we hear you. That is why we have provided you with just a few practical, common sense pointers that should help you keep your cool and see your divorce through to a peaceful conclusion.
CALM IS CONTAGIOUS
Did you forget about the lawyers? They won’t forget about you. More importantly, there is a good chance that your demeanor will rub off on your attorney. The same goes for your spouse. Be the bigger man or woman. Set the tone. It is just as we said above but now we are adding context. With attorneys involved, the law may be served but it is still being interpreted by humans, humans who are just as susceptible to shouting matches as you and your soon-to-be ex. A signature and a settlement is all it comes down to in the end. Try not to let the past get in the way of your future.
STICK TO THE SITUATION
Any employer values the employee that is results oriented. Right? The greatest value that you can add to this divorce is a similar mindset. Experts will tell you not to focus on the tone or body language of the person on the other side of the table. Yelling will get you nowhere, they may say. Still, we know that there probably is no other person alive that knows that tone and that body language as well as you do. This makes you more susceptible to losing your focus than anyone else. This is precisely why this is the time to remain focused on the situation. This is a board game, like chess, where the most efficient movement of the pieces on the board will lead to the neatest victory. Strategy is a far better use of your time and energy than any squabbles. Just ask your attorney.
Put ego aside. That’s right, we may have addressed your attitude towards your significant other. This is where we address how you handle yourself. After all, it is entirely possible that your counterpart is attempting to follow the very same advice. Whatever attempts to communicate they make might not be their best foot forward, but they very well could be making the same effort as you. Be sure to put the fear or anxiety you probably are both experiencing to the side and acknowledge whatever move they have made. It is a step toward a solution. Once a commitment to said solution is apparent, both of you can breathe a little easier and hopefully get that divorce finalized as quickly and painlessly as possible.
Conflict can be said to begin with the need to be “right”. Take a moment to remind yourself of your real goal which is to put this difficult chapter behind you and find happiness once again. Now doesn’t that feel far more important than being right?
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