Divorce Is a Chance To Redefine ‘You’
It can seem as if anything divorce-related, whether it be your living situation or child support, is about money. It will seem that way, at least at first. [See Financial Rebuilding Following Divorce]
To some degree, your outward life is being disassembled and reassembled. Children will certainly be affected internally but even they will require one element in order for that to be addressed: you. You must work on yourself, if only to be there for those who need you most. This cannot be shelved or put aside. Your post-divorce life will not be a mere return to your pre-divorce life.
Some articles will encourage you to focus on a more hedonistic approach. Binge on your favorite desserts. Engage in meaningless sex. By all means, indulge in your newfound freedom. Please, reduce that stress. Just don’t lose sight of the fact that your life will always be there waiting for you following diversion. Here are some more meaningful ways to redefine ‘you’, following a divorce.
Reconnect with your past in order to move forward. Find clues in your memories. Who were you before you were married? Who were you before you met your ex? What did you enjoy? There is nothing wrong with a carefree return to younger years. You just can’t stay there or become that person again. Getting in touch with your roots should be about establishing a basis for a new direction.
This is not about spirituality. It is about reflection. No chanting is required. Leave the yoga pants in their drawer. The purest, simplest form of Zen meditation is called zazen. Do you know what it entails? You sit. That’s it. After all that has been on your mind throughout the divorce, there will come a time where you must no longer be afraid to sit with your own thoughts. Once you’ve visited your past, you must return to the present. Take note of where you are mentally and emotionally. Do it on a regular basis.
Are we suggesting that you let your hair down and have a drink, maybe party a little? You bet we are. Again, though, don’t stop there. Find yourself in others. Divorce is a social tornado. Friends may end up scattered in all directions. If you are lucky, those oldest and closest friends will remain. However, it is just as likely that you will have to find new ones. Some people end up starting from scratch after a divorce. This is what we really mean by socializing.
Learn Something New
What better way to socialize than to take a class or learn something new? Sure, you can stay right here on the internet and teach yourself. However, signing up for a dance or pottery class will get you out of the house and around like-minded individuals. It may be worth a few weeks of distraction. It could also turn into a hobby for life.
Wherever you go, that is where you will be. That said, the most literal form of escape can end up transporting your soul as well. Destinations almost always appear on bucket lists. The good news is that while bucket lists are supposed to be achieved before the end of one life, these suggestions belong on a list to be achieved after another life has ended. Your whole life is ahead of you.
‘You’ is a concept. You define it, not marriage or anyone else. A divorce lawyer is quite accustomed to bearing witness to a life before, during and after the end of a marriage. In each case, we may know that life goes on but we never forget how easy it can be to lose sight of the fact. It is part of our job to remind our clients in the most constructive ways we know, learned from years of experience.